The "Mad Skillz" reference was just a friendly little dig at a friend of mine (hello Jerry, see, I'm waving!) who thinks my gangsta aptitude is lacking! Imagine that. I was Twittering away my time the other day and posted something like; "Yo, where all my tweets be at this morning?" I do contend though that had eldest daughter been standing there, she would have rolled her eyes and then admonished me for using language like that.
Seriously though, "Mad Skillz" probably isn't too off the mark for the week. I have discovered hidden talents for getting myself out of certain situations that I didn't know I possessed.
Earlier this week, I was in the car with Katie and Meg, driving Katie back home when I was pulled over for speeding. Yes, I was speeding. I will own up to it. It's been ages since I've been pulled over for even so much as a burnt out tail-light, so as I sat there shaking and digging through the glove box trying to find my registration and proof of insurance, Katie leans over and says; "Mama, (you can take the girl out of the south, but you can't take the south out of the girl) I can make myself throw up if you think it will help." I gave her a withering look (all of you moms out there know the one I'm talking about) and replied; "That's OK sweetie, you keep that Big Mac where it belongs, happily digesting!"
If that wasn't enough, Meg pipes up from the backseat, "Yo mizzmo, I'll take off my shirt, how about that?"
"NO NO NO NO and DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING THAT!" I screeched back at her.
The officer walks up to the car and requests all the usual paperwork and then asks me if I knew why he pulled me over and I squeak, "Yes sir, I was probably going a little too fast." I immediately felt all of ten years old and like I was standing in front of my dad after he's caught me sneaking in after curfew. Not. A. Good. Feeling.
"Ma'am, you were going 51MPH in a 35MPH"
Gulp.
I sat there thinking about the hit our insurance rates would take after a ticket like that and how the hubby was going to give me that look. He might even possibly have a stroke, or worse, take my keys away. Oh the disappointment would be major! And I couldn't miss the irony either...day after day spent yelling at Meg about never ever ever getting a ticket, now that she's driving, or I'd take the car away. Strains of Allanis Morisette were playing in my head.
"Officer, I'm sorry. I was carried away listening to the girls chatter about college - both of them accepted at the same great private college, and I probably wasn't paying attention. I'm going to miss these two when they head off in the fall."
I thought about adding a few tears, but didn't want to go overboard.
The officer walks back to his cruiser, runs my info and comes back and lets me go with a warning, a rather stern one I might add. Phewwww! The air of relief in the car was palpable.
Fast forward to Wednesday afternoon and I'm late for an appointment. OK, technically I wasn't late but getting close. I can not stand being late. I'd rather not go if I'm going to show up late. I check my rear view mirror and there are the telltale lights flashing, announcing to the entire world; "You naughty naughty girl, you did a bad thing!" I pull over, grab the requisite paperwork, not without feeling an overwhelming sense of deja vu and turn to see that I recognize the officer walking towards the car. I think to myself; "There is potential here, don't screw it up!"
"Oh hi Officer SoandSo! Wasn't graduation beautiful! Didn't all the kids look great!" I exclaimed, trying not to sound too much like Mary Poppins on crack.
Officer SoandSo replied; "It was a nice ceremony, but I reckon a wee bit hot. If I recall correctly, your little sprout slept through the whole thing. She's a cutie patootie that one! Daddy's gonna have his hands full with her, 'bout as much as you do with your Meg! Not to change the subject Mrs. YouKnowWhoYouAre, but I clocked you going 36MPH in a 30MPH. You might want to slow it down just a bit, construction zone and all. Now if you'll just rustle those papers I'll make it look official and you can go on your way. Just a warning this time. "
Playing along I asked him if I should look upset and maybe throw in a pout or two. He said that he just wanted to make it look good, as the Staties were watching and had been bragging about issuing $6,000 worth of tickets in the last week, but he'd appreciate the pout, for dramatic effect seeing as how he was getting a reputation as a softy.
I have never been so glad to oblige someone carrying a gun in my entire life.
As I pulled away from the side of the road, I was doing a little touchdown dance in my head and high-fiving myself as I drove down towards the highway.
