I'm aware this post will probably ignite a few heated words and I may very well get flamed for it. Bring it on. I'm more than prepared for what may or may not happen. Along those lines, I don't have a "comment policy" per se and don't really feel the need for one. I stopped moderating comments because, for the most part, those who read Barking Mad are mature enough to not need moderation, which in my mind equals censorship. True, I do attract the occasional fuckwit, but I'm usually able to deal with him/her quickly enough so that things don't degenerate into a free-for-all. So, whilst I'm open to debate, even a heated exchange of thoughts and ideas; personal attacks won't be tolerated.
I swear. No, really, I do. I know, you're as shocked as...what's that? You aren't surprised that I let the occasional F-bomb fly? Well, of course you aren't because you've seen them fly fast and free out here. I also know I've lost a few readers because of it. My language on the blog has deteriorated with the proliferation of my depression. However, I do try and moderate the expletives that tend to come out of my mouth; around my house. See, I have this miniature person living here, and she tends to pick up everything we say. Oh, she doesn't just mimic it, she uses things in context. She's one smart cookie, sometimes much to my abject horror.
Every once in a while, I'll let something slip. Such was the case back, nearly a year ago now, when I let a huge one fly. The Little Imp wasn't even 2 years old at the time, and we were in the kitchen as I was preparing something, and I had a 28 ounce can (that's almost TWO POUNDS people, not exactly a feather!) of crushed tomatoes that I was trying to open. The can slid from my grip and landed on my big toe. I yelled "Mother Fucker!!!!" at the top of my lungs. I said it a few more times as the tears flowed and I bent over and picked up my foot and cried, blood running over my hands and onto the floor. Never mind that it did indeed hurt like a mother fucker. The fact of the matter is, I said it and the Little Imp heard it. I own the fact that I said it.
It took a few hours for it to come back and bite me in the ass.
I had my foot propped up on the coffee table with an ice pack on it and in walks the Little Imp, who noticing my wrapped toe, comes over to me, pats me on the leg and looks at my toe and says; "Dats a mama fucker." I admit, I laughed. I probably made a bigger deal out of than needed to be made. Several hours later, before bed, the hubby sat in the bathroom giving the Little Imp a bath and dropped the bottle of shampoo on the floor. Once again, she piped up from a mound of bubbles and bath toys and exclaimed, "mama fucker!"
We both told her it was a very naughty word and she should never repeat it. Ever. That lasted for an entire 48 hours. We were sitting around the table, the day after Thanksgiving and she started saying it again. Two of my teenagers were sitting there as well, laughing their heads off. So I grabbed the camcorder and this (pardon the crappy quality, and I know the food looks less than fantastic...it was the day after Thanksgiving. We were having leftovers on paper plates! I had just spent the prior day hobbling around the kitchen catering to 23 people and wasn't about to break out the china again, for leftovers!) was the result...
I originally posted it out here and even got some flack from my ex-husband and his family by way of my eldest daughter. Whatever. The Little Imp hasn't said it since the day we videoed her. Unfortunately I've let it fly a few times, after which, the look on the Little Imp's face and her tone of voice when she dressed me down for saying that was enough to make me think twice about uttering that in her presence ever again
Then the comments started hitting my YouTube account and some of them are pretty judgmental. I've debated taking the video down because the hubby and I are tired of defending ourselves to various strangers on the web. The comments really picked up after a popular celebrity gossip site featured it along with a video about how David and Courtney Arquette's little one, Coco, swears like a trucker. I didn't even know our video was embedded on that site until I went to see where the hits were coming from.
Let me clear something up before I get into the meat of this post. The hubby steers clear of cussing just because it's not something he's really ever done, although he does occasionally cuss in British, although unless you knew it, you wouldn't know it, ya know? I know it, so it's funny to me, especially when other people hear him and ask him to "say that again!" For chocolate, he usually will. As for me, well my language can, from time to time, be colorful. But I make a huge effort to not swear around the Little Imp. There's a time and a place for it. However, I'm not going to try force how we parent on someone else, nor will I outwardly judge someone else for how I see them parent their children. Sure, your 5 year old might be sitting behind me at the cinema and may very well have just called Lord Voldemort a fucktard, but you get to deal with it, not me, which brings us to the crux of this entire post.
There are a couple of blogs out here that take it upon themselves to be the voice of outrage of the mommy-blogosphere. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it is what it is. One of those bloggers calls herself Chicken Liver. Some might even be so inclined as to call her the moral/ethical Perez Hilton of the mommy-blogosphere. I've heard her referred to as such and all I could do was shake my head. She has a broad disclaimer which mentions that her posts are her opinions. And you know the old adage about opinions, right? Like butts, everyone has one and some stink! Don't construe that as me saying all of CL's stink. Some of what she writes is entertaining. I pretty much take the rest of it with a grain of salt, because, like I said, it's just her opinion. The other thing, I don't know these women personally, so I couldn't say one way or another if her accusations are accurate or not. Of course, having said all that, I'm sure someone out there will link her to this post and who knows, I could end up being food for her to chew up and spit back out at some point. Whatever...I don't write for anyone but myself and I certainly don't look to influence any of my few readers. They are quite capable of thinking for themselves.
There are several mommy-bloggers who find themselves in the cross-hairs of Chicken Liver's site. One of her favorite targets happens to be Dooce. It only takes a few moments of reading CL to get the distinct impression she doesn't care for Heather (Dooce) too much nor does she think very highly for the way she is raising her daughter, Leta.
So what's raised Chicken Liver's hackles this time? This post of Heather's has inspired this post of CL's. Heather's post talks about how Leta (her daughter) swore whilst they were out shopping, after which she received a prompt and stern reprimand. To quote the post, Leta said, "OH MY GOD THE HELL!" because Heather told her no, she couldn't have something she wanted. Heather went on to say how she and Jon (Mr. Dooce and Leta's dad) let her swear inside their home, but only inside and not ever outside the family's home.
I will concede with CL on this one point, when I hear people speak and use a stream of expletives in public, I tend to think it crass and a tad classless. However, that's where I draw the line. I've met some people who are indeed crass and classless yet have IQ's of over 150, they aren't criminals, hold down jobs which pay well over six figures and are raising kids who are happy, healthy and well adjusted. Just because one swears does not automatically doom them to a life of destitution and failure, nor will children who drop the occasional F-bomb or other select expletive, end up homeless and smoking crack in a gutter.
Here's the thing I find a tad alarming about Chicken Liver's post. She openly admits that she swears, not only on her blog, but in person...but never, oh not ever around her children. I have inferred from her point of view that it makes you somehow inferior if you swear around your kids. How is it any worse? I mean seriously. In my eyes, if you swear then just own it! By virtue of the fact that you censor yourself to say "fudge fingers" instead of "fuck" around your children, yet call the person who just cut you off in traffic, an asshole when your kids aren't in earshot, it's no better. Everyone knows what you really meant to say when you don't use the actual words themselves. Are you somehow supposed to be a better person because you hold yourself above swearing around your kids and are your kids therefore going to grow up to be these grand citizens of the world who can do no wrong?
If you really think that, you're deluding yourself. I have been related (formerly related I should say) to people who never utter a single expletive and look down their noses at those who do. Yet, I went out to the MySpace and Facebook of their oldest son recently and oh boy, you'd better believe that he lets the F-bombs fly fast and furiously. Does that make him a cretin? No. Does that make his parents wrong for not swearing? No. Does it make them appear silly because they think the worst of people who swear. Yeah, probably. Speaking of kids who swear, my eldest daughter, much to my chagrin, sometimes sounds like she just got off a boat full of sailors. Her mouth at times is bad enough to melt Satan's nose hairs. But yet, somehow this beautiful child, with the occasional foul mouth (pardon me whilst this mama brags) managed to get into a top notch private college and she holds down a job as well. At this point in time, despite her penchant for the F-word, she's a productive member of society who has plans to go far and contribute to those around her.
Unless you raise your children in a plastic bubble, they're going to be exposed at some point to language you consider foul, or beneath you. Don't get me wrong, I more than understand the power of words, used in context or not. NO ONE has to sermonize to me about "the power of words." I'm living my own personal hell because of the words of others. And get this, they weren't even expletives. I'm spending thousands of dollars on therapists and medications (which have nearly killed me thankyouverymuch) because of words!
I'm not saying we should lose all civility and go around peppering everyday language with expletives. I'd probably spit my Coke all over myself if I heard Barack Obama address the nation on television and start his speech with; "this motherfucker of an economy is going to prevent me from implementing the goddamned spending packaged I had planned on once I got into office. Son of a bitch!" I am saying that I think it's a double standard to consider yourself somehow a better person/parent because you swear, yet restrain yourself from doing so around your kids, versus someone who doesn't. To that end, I'm not exactly sure that calling out someone for what they allow in their house and words they use around their kids, really makes you look all that hot, or even better.
Heather (Dooce) isn't proselytizing to anyone about how to raise their kids. She was sharing a couple of anecdotes about life with their daughter.
When I posted the video of the Little Imp repeating that unfortunate phrase, I wasn't saying that I thought it was cool. I'd probably be mortified if she ever repeated it outside of the house, which thank God she never has. We are two human beings who happen to be mothers who are as liable to make mistakes as the next person. We do what works best in our households and we aren't telling you how to raise your children. We don't expect everyone to agree with us nor do I hold myself up as some paramount of parenting/motherhood and I don't think Heather does either, and as a result of sharing our day to day experiences, I don't think we deserve to be judged on it.
Of course, Heather being who she is in the blogosphere is going to attract all sorts of attention; positive, negative and otherwise. It is her livelihood after all and some people have a hard time with the lifestyle it's afforded her and her family.
So what do you think about all this? What are your thoughts about swearing? What do you think about other mommy-bloggers who go around chastising the rest of us, and calling us out on our faults, etc? Are those of us who happen to slip every once in a while around our kids - are we failing our children and raising a generation of reprobates?
