I have been chewing on this subject for a while now...blogging with complete abandon and letting it all hang out. I lay in bed, restless, and ask myself whether or not I could blog with little concern as to who is reading and say what's actually on my mind or pour out the contents of my heart and not care about what someone might think? This topic has been rolling around in my brain like two marbles in a tin can rolling down hill since I started working on the "Mommyblogging - Art or Exploitation?" project. Some of the feedback I received over the course of the last several months has brought up the subject of blogging with complete abandon and it caused me to think about how I myself, blog.
I've seen varying opinions on what topics are passe' for blog fodder and things that other people would openly talk about that others feel would be crass or show little regard for their readers. Of course, I'm taking into consideration the fact that there are things we'd never share (or there should be) with the outside world. Things that belong to no one but our families and our souls...
I suppose that opens the door to another question...do you blog/write solely for yourself or do you write for those who read your blog...your audience?
To be completely honest, I wish I did. I wish I wrote completely and only for myself. I wish I could write from the depths of my battered soul and share with you, parts of my life that I keep closed off from everyone else out of fear of being judged. However, if I did really blog from my heart, especially at times in my life when I feel the need to write it all out and give myself the cathartic release that writing often times is for me, here are some of the things I would say.
- I'm tired of the constant harping on one another that we women do. You know what I'm talking about. It's especially prevalent out here in Bloggywood. We constantly tear one another down for not making the choices we feel others ought to make. These choices range from how we decide to nourish our infants be it breast or bottle, to how we parent them; attachment or mainstream, how we educate our children, whether it's public or private education or homeschooling, how we decorate our homes, our political leanings, to how we blog and the things we choose to share with the world through our blogs. Our words will be part of the great history we leave to our children. Will your words give your children a sense of pride in their parent or will they leave them ashamed?
- Whilst we're on the subject of blogging, in general; what's the deal with the notion that your blog is worth reading only if you're read by the "A-List" blogging crowd and those same people leave comments on your blog? Just what the hell defines an "A-List" blogger anyhow and who decides who gets to run with that pack? I think it's terribly narrow-minded to limit yourself only to those who appear to be the popular and well-commented-on. You're really missing out on some awesome writers by doing that.
- I hate being judged for how I appear on the outside. The obese are the last class of people whom it's OK to say the most foul and thoughtless things to and to abuse. Do you think I'm not aware of how I appear? Do you think your words don't hurt or are you of the opinion that I am as unfeeling as you are because your words have to sink through more layers in order to reach their target? You see me as slothful and lacking in any sort of willpower or self control. I see you as ignorant and cruel. And don't think I don't notice how you watch what I put in my shopping cart at the grocery store or the looks of pity you give my family when we're out together...those are two of the biggest reasons I hardly leave my home and probably the biggest reason you'll never see me attend huge blogging conferences like BlogHer '09. I've read first hand what some women say about those who attend the conferences and there is no end to how they're judged. There isn't enough Xanax or Lexapro to get me through a weekend where I'm constantly worrying about who's laughing at me and what will be said on the blogs of the anonymous bloggers who derive so much pleasure out of tearing down others.
- I wish Megawatt's paternal family could see what a beautiful young woman she's turned into and that through their cold and callous abandonment of her, they've lost a gem. Do they care that they've put her through hell for little more than the fact that she voiced an opinion that she might want to go and live with her mom? How do they sleep at night knowing how deeply it cut her that they never bothered to call on her birthday, send congratulations when she was accepted into a great private college, or send cards on the holidays? And then, when she decided to be the adult and call and tell them that she's joined the USAF, do you know what the first response from her paternal grandmother was? "Oh so you've finally gotten sick of it out there have you?" This from a family who promised to always be there for her and who claim to be such righteous Christians and live Godly lives. If there has ever been a moment in my life where I've wanted to yell, at the top of my lungs, "Christianity, YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG!" in the face of a group of people, it's Megawatt's paternal family. But I'll be damned if I'm going to lower myself to their level.
If I blogged like no one was reading you'd most certainly see more posts from my heart, with more depth and more feeling and most certainly fewer photos and "soft" pieces about life here in the asylum with fluffy kitten posts filled with pictures of the feline inmates. I'd not spend so much time caterwauling about any assumed or real talent behind the lens and work on the talent, the innate talent I possess, behind the pen/keyboard.
When it's all said and done, I think my own final analysis shows me that instead of using this as an outlet I'm using my blog as a place to hide from what's really going on inside me.
What about you? Do you blog like no one is reading?