Out of the 5 or so things I've made from ideas I've seen posted to Pinterest, I've had a ratio of 3 out of 5 . . . in other words, 3 turned out reasonably well, and the other two? Utter failures! I don't know why, but the one where you put a bar of Ivory soap into your microwave and end up with a veritable mountain of what looks like frosting that you can then mold and play with, once it cools off? Well, in my case, I didn't end up with so much soapy, fluffy, frosting. I ended up with the Mt. Vesuvius of Ivory Soap Bars literally filling my entire microwave. It was, to say the least, an unmitigated disaster! The next time I'm out on Pinterest and see a pin about sticking anything other than a hot dog in the microwave, I'm just gonna move right on by! Believe me, it's better for everyone if I do. I still can't get that damned "Pure. Simple. Naturally Clean" taste out of the food we put in the microwave.
The other disaster was me trying to swap out organic whipping cream for Cool Whip (because Cool Whip is pretty much all chemicals!) in a recipe that called for it in order to make cookies that were supposed to be light and fluffy and really tasty. Yeah, that's pretty much not what happened. I ended up with flat pancakes the size of the bottom of a jar of mayonnaise with about the same consistency! I flunked chemistry in high school, so why I thought I could alter a recipe and have it come out the same is beyond me. I never claimed to be very bright.
There have been other times when the things I've made that I found on Pinterest turned out really well! Of course that's what made me go and get cocky and assume I could pull off another couple of successes by using ideas I found on Pinterest. I also thought they'd be so simple that they'd be easy enough to make and then take into Gaby's first grade class at school. Isn't there a saying that goes something like "Pride go'eth before the fall" . . . Something like that anyhow.
The first thing I made were little cupcakes with Peeps on top. You know what Peeps are don't you? They are those little indestructible brightly-colored marshmallow birdies. They are also gross. Putting one in your mouth is akin to eating a soft emery board. Oh and did you know what else you can do with Peeps? You can stick those motherfuckers sugary treats in your microwave - two of them - and have something called "Peep jousting contests." This is apparently a thing. All you need are Peeps and toothpicks, oh and a husband that allows you within 50 feet of your microwave. I've heard it said that the loser in Peep Jousting gets eaten, but I'm not so sure I'd want to put a hot, sticky, sugary, emery board in my mouth. With my luck I'd forget to take the toothpick out, and the molten marshmallow would still be hot enough to vaporize my tongue. However, if I didn't currently have a microwave-restraining order, I would totally get my Peep on. I'd name one Joffrey Baratheon and the other Daenerys Targaryen. You just know that Daenerys would be all over Joffrey's ass in no time, because she is the mother of dragons after all! I suppose, if you don't watch Game of Thrones, then that whole "mother of dragons" thing is totally lost on you.
So where was I before I went off on a Peep Jousting tangent? Oh yeah, Peeps on cupcakes. So, I saw this cute photo on Pinterest of Peeps sitting on frosted cupcakes and thought to myself, "Self, how hard can it be to do this?" I couldn't find the neon peeps, and I forgot to get cupcake sleeves (what the hell are those things called anyhow? I can never remember their name. You know what I'm talking about - the little paper things you dump the batter in?), so I just went with the colors I could find . . . blue, purple, and yellow. So much for a great photo like the one in the Pinterest image!
I baked the cupcakes, whipped up some butter cream frosting, and then thought to myself, "Self, let's make it look like the Peeps are sitting on a nest." So I dug out the green food coloring, loaded up my frosting shooter thingy, and went to town.
Please note, I am physically incapable of frosting cupcakes without one of those aforementioned "frosting shooter thingys." If I try and frost them free-hand they end up looking like I target-vomited the frosting onto them. It's not pretty.
Once the cupcakes were done, they didn't turn out half-bad.
They're actually pretty cute if I do say so myself. Mr. Peep looks pretty pleased that his ass is firmly planted on that cupcake rather than sporting a toothpick and about to experience his own personal hell in a nuclear-themed jousting contest!
Then, because it wasn't already late enough and because I am not yet used to the new dosage of my Wellbutrin (I had a wee teensy "vital breakdown" last week . . . we'll talk about that later) and I couldn't get to sleep, I figured that I needed to make something for Gaby's teacher, and her teacher's aide. And for the school principal and her secretary. They've all been really nice to me and have never treated me like the social reject I am, because I ask ninety million questions. I decided to use some of the jars I ordered from Ball last week - which if you love Ball and Kerr jars then you'll want to get your butt over to their site because they have a limited-run production of those really cool blue jars! Oh, but just be careful when you Google "Blue Ball jars"! Actually, you really should just Google Ball Jars or Kerr Jars. Just take my word for it. Here, I made it simple for you and saved you the agony of seeing certain things you can never unsee . . . Ball, Heritage Blue Jars.
Back to the jars themselves and the other Pinterest idea I thought I could take on.
I saw a pin similar to this, except the long cookies were placed in a Ball/Kerr jar and they didn't have those annoying adorable little bunny Peeps stuck to them. I wish I would have pinned that one, that way you could get a better idea of what I was going for. You basically take the Pirouline cookies, dip them in white chocolate, then roll them in edible sprinkles or sparkles, let harden, and then stick them in a jar. Sounds simple, right?
Not if you're me it's not.
First of all, the organic white chocolate I had, didn't so much melt as it did congeal into something akin to the texture of hummus. So I had all of these Pirouline cookies, blue jars, sprinkles and nothing else except a hunk of organic Belgian milk chocolate that I'm pretty sure my husband - the one who happens to consider chocolate a legitimate food group unto itself - would kill me if I used. So of course I grabbed it and melted it. It melted perfectly! What the hell is up with that? Why can't I ever melt white chocolate and get it to the smooth consistency that I do when I use dark or milk chocolate? I feel like it's this huge universal conspiracy against me because I can't stand regular chocolate, but love white chocolate, which technically isn't even chocolate I guess, which probably explains why I like it . . . especially when it's dipped in Creme Fraiche. Yeah, don't ask. It's a habit I picked up in Brugges, Belgium. Fast forward to me sitting there, at 2:17AM, dipping Piroulines in melted milk chocolate, then rolling them in sprinkles, standing them up to dry, and finally collapsing around 3:30AM this morning.
I woke up this morning and took the Piroulines out of the fridge, where they were getting hard overnight (and when you see the picture I'm about to post, you'll know exactly why I'm giggling like an 11 year old boy after saying, "getting hard overnight") and was a little, well, I was a bit embarrassed at what the finished product resembled. I knew I wasn't imagining things, because when my husband came out into the kitchen where I was, around 6AM to find me sitting there, staring at them, he had this big cheesy grin on his face. He asked me what they were for? I told him they were for Gaby's teachers, the principal, and the office secretary. He chuckled and then said, "The very same teachers, principal, and secretary at our daughter's Catholic school?" That's the moment I knew that he thought these chocolate-dipped-candy-coasted Piroulines resembled penises, too.
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