No, seriously I did. I just want to try waxing my own legs (I would never ever ever subject anyone to waxing my legs because that's just ewwwww) because I can't manage to shave them without ending up looking like I've just run through a field clogged with prickly pear cactus. I figure I can deal with the initial pain of the rip and tear, and the slight stinging after waxing, better than I can after I shave, and then try to wear a pair of capris or shorts and end up with blood-streaked legs. Then there's the itching. The never-ending, miserable-as-hell, itching that always happens after I shave my legs. Of course it's still technically winter time, which means I haven't shaved my legs since . . . well I can't exactly recall the last time I shaved my legs. Suffice it to say, when I do decide to prune the tree trunks I call my legs, I'll probably need a hedge trimmer in addition to the wax!
So, the other day when I opened the kit that arrived via my BFF, the UPS dude (I swear, he's here so often that I think he'd start to worry about my family's survival if he didn't have deliveries for us at least twice a week), I plopped my plentiful ass down on the sofa, broke into the kit and started reading the instructions. Why yes indeed, I was reading out-loud. I was reading the section of the instructions where it details everything in the kit, including teeny tiny little strips that would allow me to wax my own eyebrows at home, should I so desire!
Now, this idea of waxing my own eyebrows is particularly interesting to me because my younger sister, Amanda, is always on my case about my eyebrows. They kinda tend to grow very fast and if I don't "fix that shit" as Amanda always instructs me, sometimes my eyebrows take on a life of their own . . . just not mine. They adopt the late Ed McMahon's eyebrows. Really, it's very frightening to look in the mirror in the morning and be horrified by the realization that Ed McMahon is reincarnating right on your forehead above your eyes.
I'm currently in the phase where, when little sister sees this photo (everyone say it with me), I'll get a text message saying, "Fix that shit!" It's actually kinda funny. It's also why I never go barefoot or in sandals around her. If I'm lackadaisical about my eyebrows, you can only imagine how often I go between pedicures!
Anyhow, as I'm sitting there reading the section about waxing one's own eyebrows, I happened to notice that Geronimo had hopped up on the end table next to me. Based on his reaction, one can assume he heard me reading about waxing my own eyebrows and probably envisioned something like this happening, except worse.
Now before you go assuming I actually did wax my own eyebrows, let me reassure you that I know better. Maybe six or seven years ago I might have attempted that, but I think we all know that back then, I was predisposed to repeated episodes of, how do I put this . . . domestic disasters? Yes, that's as good a description as any. We'll just leave it at that. Besides, I can give you a pretty good idea of what would happen if I'd waxed my own eyebrows:
(you might want to make sure no small children are in the immediate vicinity when you scroll down)
Not only have I been busy buying lots of shit online that has the potential for not only blog fodder, but a possible phone call to 911 (don't ask . . . besides, I've already cleaned the mess up. Now I know why my parents never ever bought me a volcano kit when I was a kid) I've been busy doing lots of other interesting things, like going back home to Maine for a long weekend. This was back right after the last big Snowmageddon hit Boston and other parts of New England, including Maine. We stopped just outside of Marlboro, MA for dinner on the way north and I think, in the three years since I've lived full-time in Maine, I had completely forgotten what massive mountains of plowed snow looked like. Eastern Massachusetts was still digging out, and despite the roads being dry and clear, once we were off of the highway and on surface streets, it was harder than hell navigating our way around the literal mountains of snow. The weird thing was that while the mountains of snow were still there, we had assumed there would still be prime sledding acreage back in Maine (where we usually hang out when we go back home to visit got about 2 1/2 - 3 feet of snow during that last big storm), however, there was not! A lot of it had already melted off. That's Mother Nature and her whiplash weather for ya!
Instead of sledding and finding other fun ways to end up in the ER, we spent time with friends (where I discovered just how much coffee is too much coffee. I will never drink the stuff again!), and then sat around taking asinine photos of ourselves. No seriously, we did.
Gareth's family back in the UK is forever asking us to take a decent photo of all of us together, and send it to them. Well, we tried, but I didn't bother to take my tripod with us on this last trip, or the remotes for any of my cameras. So I grabbed the point and shoot (have you ever tried to take a "selfie" with a mother-effing huge DSLR? Yeah, it can be a real pain in the ass) and snapped off a few shots.
After taking about twenty a few shots, and nearing the point where I wanted to say the hell with it, I finally managed to get one decent capture of the three of us. Barely decent, but it will have to do!
Gareth however managed to get a really nice shot of Gaby and me, which I love!
We pretty much did nothing during our mini-trip back home, except relax, watch the insane surfers plunge into the frigid surf out on Higgins Beach - covered head to toe in thick neoprene, but they still had to be freezing. Anything to hang ten I guess. We drove by the house. There's a "For Sale" sign on it. I didn't cry. Much.
Other than that I've been writing like a fiend, but not for the blog. I'll have to remedy that, seeing as how I'm giving away $300 this month, either in the form of a VISA gift card, a new larger Kindle Fire HD, $300 credit to the Apple Store, or $300 deposited to the PayPal account of the lucky winner. Winner gets to choose what form they'd like to receive it. I still haven't decided when I'm kicking it off, I just know it's sometime this month.
Oh, I did find out there is in fact an article of Gaby's clothing I fit into. Really, I did!
I'm thinking of getting one of those hats for myself. Maybe two. I think I'd totally rock one of these!