Burning Paper, Burning Pain - A Look Back at New Years Eve

For some reason, although the Christmas spirit never really settled into my soul this year, I was determined to rid myself of all the bile that was building up over 2008.  It wasn't a stellar year by any means and one which comes close to being one of my worst.  I think, at this point as I look back, I can honestly say that next to the year I lost my oldest son Josh, 2008 was a runner up to the worst year of my life.

I had, what I thought, was a simple plan - maybe only symbolic of getting rid of the pain, anger and negativity, but again I thought it was a great plan to write down everything awful about this year and then take it out to the ocean and burn the paper and let the glowing embers sail off into the Atlantic ocean.  What I didn't take fully into account was how bloody cold it was!  With the wind chill factored in the temps on the waterfront were easily -20F!

I'd made sure that everyone coming down with us to accompany me on my cathartic adventure had full tummies.  I made my famous (OK so I am a little vain about this!) Parmesan Crusted Crispy Chicken which is so ridiculously easy that a 4 year old could do it.  No fancy ingredients for us! Well, not for this recipe anyhow!

 

Add an egg wash to it and voila!

This is probably one of the only things I will fry.  I HATE frying anything, especially chicken.  I hate the mess and the smell.  But these always turn out so beautifully and tasty and they're skinless to boot, that I make them on request.   They are fried in EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil) as the super-annoying Rachel Ray likes to call it and whilst I know it is still a fried food, at least it's not soaking in nasty peanut oil. With warm, full tummies we loaded up 5 teenagers, 1 toddler, and 2 tired but enthusiastic adults into 2 cars and headed to the beach at 10:30PM.

Of course, Megawatt and I had a yelling match at the start of the drive down there.  Had to have one last go at one another before the old year ran out. We made each other so angry that I pulled what I am sure was an illegal u-turn in the middle of the street, scaring the hell out of the hubby who was right behind me, and I made Megawatt get out and get into his car. By the time we got to the beach tempers had cooled.  They really had no choice, what with it being so damned cold!

Can I just say, the Little Imp stayed awake the ENTIRE BLOODY TIME!!! No joke. I  think she was even more alert than the rest of us.  Had I been bundled up in two pair of jammies, long undies, two pair of socks, a goofy hat, winter coat,  and boots, I would have been out before the car was put into drive!

 

Just thinking about the icy wind on my face and hands (and I was wearing gloves...obviously they were crap at keeping my hands warm!) makes me ache.

Bundling up, literally, was mandatory.  Everyone, minus the hubby who happened to be the only who could get his fingers to function in the blisteringly cold winds, huddled together...

 

Pictured above in order from your left to right are; Paul, the spare Megan, me, Ailera, Megawatt and the spare Zack.  Center is the Little Imp.  Why doesn't it surprise me that she's in the middle of the photo? 

It took FOREVER to get either a match or a lighter to light in the wind and cold.  I estimate a good 15 minutes passed before we were able to get the list alight.

 

I held onto the list as long as I could, mostly because it was thawing my nose, and then took a deep breath in and with my exhalation I let the list go.

 

The list burned there on the snow covered sand and as the last ember died out, the clock struck 12 and the new year was born, and with it, a sense of relief, a sense of hope, and the first few flickers of what I think might be the fires of optimism beginning to take hold in my soul. I genuinely wish they burn bright and long and incinerate the darkness that's overtaken my life in the last year. 

As a general rule, I avoid making New Year's resolutions.  Not so much because I abhor change - hell when you've lived the life I have which includes 23 moves in 15 years, two of those being to another country - change isn't the issue. Change is part of life after all.  It's simple really...I typically forget whatever I resolve to do or not to do in the new year.  Hence, no New Years resolutions.  However, I do want to get past everything that's happened in 2008 - or at least start to believe that I can.  I know that just by virtue of the fact that I burned a piece of paper with all the crap written on it, won't magically make it go away. But it's a step.  A small one, but a step nonetheless in the right direction. 

Oh, I suppose I fibbed about the New Year's resolution.  This year anyhow.  I did make a resolution to turn my car stereo down before I get out of it so that when I get back in and turn it on, I don't deafen myself and anyone else who happens to be in the car with me at the time.

Comments

[An]

how poetic! i know this will be a great year for you. i am wishing wonderful things come your way.

[Rachael]

Gosh, I got a little tearful reading this. I can say WITHOUT A DOUBT that 2008 was the shittiest, hardest year of my life. Now, I'm only 28, but still. It sucked. Somehow, this year at New Years I felt different, and the last 5 days have been optimistic. Here's to that lasting for the next 360.

[Teena in Toronto]

That chicken looks yummy!

Happy new year!

Happy blogoversary!

[Laura]

2008 is behind you. Look to 2009, it will almost certainly be better than last year.

Here's to a Happy New Year! need a glass of champagne?

[So Not Mom-a-licious]

I am hoping the best for you and your family on making 2009 a much better year! We can only give it one day at a time. Happy New Year...or did I already write that on another post.

[Linda]

You can do this Auds. (singing) Just put one foot in front of the other...) Everyday, one step, everyday. You CAN do this. We are all here for you and if you ever need a kick in the pants we will be happy to oblige:)

[Selena]

Wow, I almost got chilly just reading how cold it was and seeing the photos of you all bundled up.

And I loved how you lit the 2008 blues on paper...very determined and ready to move to the new year. :)

[Spoiled Mommy]

what a wonderful way to bring in the new year-i really like that idea!
and what wonderful pictures too!!

[Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas]

This is good symbolism and symbolism counts. It helps us re-set our minds.

Here's to a bright and wonderful 2009!!

[jodyangel]

..hmm maybe this is what I need to do. 2008 sorta sucked huh?

Hope we both have a fab 2009!!! Hugs*

[big hair envy]

I have come across several sites this year that have discussed the ceremonial "Burning of the Bad" on New Year's Eve. I. LOVE. This. Idea.

I hope 2009 is your best year ever:)

Thanks for the chicken recipe. I think I can handle that one:)

Mommily??? Update???

[3boys1mommy]

I remember reading about that and thinking YOU CRAZY GIRL!! Those pictures give me the chills, brrr.

What is Grizzly Joe's? He's cute, I've never seen him on the shelves.

[nikki]

Well I hope 2009 warms you up like that list warmed your nose! I hope its hot bliss the whole year through!

[LuckyMe]

That is the one and only thing I will fry, too! I am due to make some chicken parm. I use a paper plate for the breadcrumbs. That's one less plate to clean, anyway. Like you, I detest the clean up after frying. But it's one meal the whole family will eat.

Very cool pictures. I really like the close up of you with the fiery paper.

And why is the music so much less tolerable when we get back in the car than it was when we left it?

I'm with you. I don't wait for a predertermined date to make resolutions. Why wait and call it a resolution? JUST DO IT!

[sandy toes]

That chicken dish looks wonderful! I love a great chicken dish anytime! Love your pictures..so cute!
-sandy toe

[Paul]

glad I could help with this.
although take a look at how red my hands are in the pic i'm holding the matches...

[monstergirlee]

Well I certainly hope for only good things for you and your family for 2009.
What a great ending to the year.

I made several resolutions, which I fully intend to keep. So far, so good!

[Andi]

"I did make a resolution to turn my car stereo down before I get out of it so that when I get back in and turn it on, I don't deafen myself and anyone else who happens to be in the car with me at the time." -

Oh my darling loud music hating hubbie will be happy to know that I am not the only one that does that!! Drives him nuts!

[Julie]

Visiting from SITS. The chicken does look yummy. I'm all for burning things, sounds like fun!

[Simply Shannon]

I hope that 2009 proves to be a year of positive change for you! You certainly deserve to have a nice year after everything you've been through.
Cheers and Happy Belated New Year!