No Good Deed Goes Unpunished - the Twitter Edition

Back when 7th Heaven was still on TV I used to watch it religiously, pun completely intended!  Don't mock me.  I liked it.  But then, I also still watch Little House on the Prairie and I Love Lucy; then chase them with a Marilyn Manson CD.   So see, it all balances out.

Anyhow I brought up 7th Heaven because several times throughout the course of it's run on TV, "Reverend Camden" used to tell his children and parishioners to "Be harmless rather than helpful."  I always thought it was wise but I'm not sure I ever really understood it...until today. 

I'm going to try and tell this story without using any names, because God-forbid I get another official letter threatening legal action ever again, like the one I received this afternoon.

Almost a decade ago when I lived in the mid-west I was only pulling part time air-shifts at the radio station I was working at, so I found a full-time position within  a company (I'll refer to them as ABC Company)  that provided access to information to be used when performing pre-employment background screening.  Most of it was criminal records access.  I resigned my position with ABC Company after not quite two years.  To this day, for some reason I still associate this company as being synonymous with locating people.  There were Private Investigators that would use the aggregate databases for exactly that reason. 

Fast forward nearly a decade to the end of October - as in last month.  I logged onto Twitter late one night and was bantering back and forth with a couple of people and them BAM!  Someone out there was threatening to commit suicide.   Several of us who had been tweeting back and forth had seen the re-tweet of the Suicidal Woman (SW) and we reached out to her, asked her to talk to us, pleaded with her, begged her...you name it, we tried everything to get her to hang on and just talk to us. 

In the meantime several of us were also trying to pinpoint the SW's location so that we could contact her local law enforcement  and possibly send someone out to check on her.  We were worried and becoming more so by her lack of any response.   We used numerous means to find her; previous tweets, her personal blog, Facebook and some of us also used online public databases like Intelius in order to try and locate her. 

During the course of the evening, I tweeted something to the effect of being thankful "...I still had my account with ABC company."  What I meant was Intelius, not ABC company which is representative of my former employer.   I didn't even notice that I'd referred to Intelius as ABC Company until...well today!

Please know that all of this was done out of a desire to help someone.   We didn't want to sit back and do nothing and then come back out to Twitter the next day and find out that yes, she ended her own life. 

I logged onto my own Intelius account out of sheer frustration that we weren't getting anywhere via any other means.   I've used them in the past to locate people and perform criminal background screenings for former employers of mine.   Again, my own intention was to be helpful. I will admit that I was pretty frantic. 

After speaking with the police in two different locations, someone finally tweeted that the SM's son had been found and that he was with her.   By this time it was the wee hours of the morning and I got off the computer and went to bed.

I logged back onto Twitter a bit later the next day and was shocked and disheartened to discover that the SM had gotten back on Twitter and blasted those of us who reached out to her in an effort to be there, to listen, and to possibly prevent her from taking her own life.    She lashed out violently and in doing so, referred to us as several nasty things including "narcissistic bitches!"  After her tirade she completely obliterated her Twitter account and to my knowledge, has never been heard from again.  Or so I thought.

Amidst the frantic rush to help get the official web site set up for Parents Take a Stand, (in response to the recent Amazon scandal!),  I received an email from the compliance officer from ABC Company.  At first I thought it was spam but then I noticed it was addressed to my blog/Twitter email address and used my first and surname.    I opened the email and attached letter and nearly had a heart-attack!

Now, I'm only assuming that what I am about to say is what happened, but this is what I imagine happened after several of us tried to reach out to the SW on Twitter. 

The SW flew into a rage and decided to try and retaliate in response to something she must have viewed as an invasion of her privacy.  So she goes through all of her "@" tweets and sees that I mentioned using ABC Company to try and find her.  Then she contacts ABC Company and threatens them with some sort of legal action as it appears their databases might of been used for something other than legitimate business purposes.   Again, I'm assuming. ABC Company does in fact have a Twitter account and they could have seen my tweet and went through my stream and inferred that I might have accessed the system for illegitimate purposes.

So I'm sitting here with a letter that's pretty much threatening me with legal action because it appears that I've accessed their system without authorization and for something other than legitimate business purposes.   My tweet that night was quoted in their letter and that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks.   I didn't even realize, at the time, that I'd tweeted ABC Company and not Intelius.  I really never go back and read my Twitter stream, because HELLO...I already hear myself talk enough, why have to read the nonsense I try and squeeze into 140 characters, again?

The compliance officer for ABC Company gave me 24 hours to respond to their letter and I did. I explained, as best I could, what happened that night, and at the close of the letter I sincerely apologized for any problems my misstatement might have caused ABC Company.  Of course, I also contacted my own attorney and made sure she had a copy of my response.  I'm hoping my explanation is good enough.  It's the only one I have to offer and it's the truth.   I was acting out of sheer panic and wasn't paying attention to my own words.   However, at this point it looks like I've been harmful and not helpful.

Not only have the fictional words; "Be harmless rather than helpful"  of television's Reverend Camden been echoing through my head all afternoon and evening, as well as a healthy dose of fear that I might be subject to legal action because of my own words and actions, but I am terrified of ever reaching out in any sort of "Good Samaritan" role, ever again.  I'm feeling like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't!

Comments

[Zoeyjane]

Honey, I said it the day after, and I still mean it. If she doesn't feel gratitude, that's her truth. But if we had stod aside and just not paid attention? That would be OURS. A typo is a typo, and it may come back to haunt you, yes, but please don't let the decide for you next time (if there is one) to not fight for someone who needs fighting for, you know?

[Audrey]

ZoeyJane,

I see the words you've written and deep inside I know that's the truth of the matter. I know how I myself would have felt, because I've been at that point before. Thankfully I didn't go through with anything, but I do know what it's like to be there.

I know what we did was the right thing. I think I'm just feeling a little bit burned - and yeah, embarrassed at my own stupidity, over the entire thing.

This is kind of reminiscent of the guy who sues someone because they inadvertently break his arm while trying to keep him from jumping, to his death, off the Golden Gate Bridge.

I'm sorry that SW's "truth" seems to be such an ugly one. Even sorrier that I've let this experience jade me from wanting to reach out again.

[Zoeyjane]

Here's my thought. She said she had no one. That she was alone, and no one was a friend to her, really. Well, maybe that wasn't a thing about her friends or family or neighbours or whoever being assholes. Maybe I'm an asshole for saying that, but like I said to someone else that she'd friended then blocked, the followed again - Some people are not meant to be friends of ours, even if they're in need of help, in a dark place, and you feel like you can help them.

[boB Cleveland]

Someone once said that a reflection of one's character is found in what it takes to stop them. I don't think such a threat from someone who's obviously got more problems than most, will stop you from doing what you know to be right.

I bet you know that, too.

And I know for sure that the ABC company can tell from their computers whether you or anybody else accessed any records; it was just easier, I'm sure, to send an email about it.

[Bonnie]

Obviously you did the right things - yes, it may look like it backfired on you, but you know you did the right thing. I believe we are all called to help when needed, so I am not really sure what that quote "be harmless rather than helpful" means. What are some of your (commenters) opinions on how exactly this would apply to real life? Just curious.

[Ramona]

Wow, hard to believe that all you were trying to do was help and you get the whammy.

It does make you want to say to hell with helping people, but I always say I have to do what makes me feel right.

[Stacey @twinmomoftwinz]

I was helping right along with you, searching Facebook, MySpace...anything. We're always told if someone threatens suicide that it shouldn't be taken lightly. I love that many of us jumped in to action. I hate that it bit us in the ass. (particularly what's happened to you)

Trust that we did the right thing! It's really too bad she didn't see that.

[Jess]

Thanks so much for posting this, Audrey. It speaks volumes of the twists and turns that our instinctual compassion can be perceived as when offering it up freely.

It was a cry for help, or so we all deemed it. While I am saddened you received a correspondence for legal action from ABC Company, it's my hope that they were the one who felt it a "breach of terms" to use the service. I really hope.

[briya]

Wow. I'm sort of speechless. I guess all I can really say is that I hope you don't let one jerk stop you from helping someone who may really need it the next time.

God bless your big heart. :)

[Wicked SteppMom]

First of all, you did the right thing! Second; as far as ABC Company being concerned that you accessed their databases-THEY should have the ability to check their systems to see if they've been hacked (unless you DO still have access, in which case, it wouldn't appear as hacking, just as a log-in.) Regardless, you could also do an internal history on your computer & print out what sites you were actually on on the date in question.

[Issa]

Sigh. I'm so sorry honey. God, I'm so sorry.

I couldn't sit there and not try and help. I just couldn't. That night, it was the only choice. It was the right thing to do. I believe you did this right thing. I believe I did the right thing. I believe the people who called the cops in her town, did the right thing.

The way she acted the next day was horrible. Her, or some of her friends...who knows, turned me into Facebook for "harassment" because I emailed some of them. Trying to help her.

She...at least as of last week was back on Twitter. Using a different name. Literally, after she had deleted her Twitter and turned me (and several others into FB, she started a new Twitter account and followed me. The very next day. She's even tweeted at me, although I flat out refuse to follow her, or tweet back at her.

I guess what I have to say is this...I'm sorry that you are facing repercussions because of this. I still think that generally? Helping others in that situation, is the way to go.

[Edie]

Dude....That made me think of the way that my First aid/CPR instructor stressed the point that we live in a state where those trained in CPR/FA are protected by the "Good Samaritan Law" from legal recourse if we act in life saving circumstances. It's a shame in today's society that so many good intentions are thrown back at us with malice.

[Trish]

First off, let me just say that I was someone in SW's position. It didn't happen on Twitter, and fortunately the person I was in contact with acted in time, but I have reached out in that moment and had someone do everything they could to get me help. So.

I have to admit - I've been in a similar situation on Twitter. Last year, an acquaintance of mine (someone I've never met but follow, and with whom I had tweeted, though not DMed, in the past) began talking about killing himself. I knew enough about him to know this was something to be concerned about - he'd been depreesed for some time, had been struggling with some recent family issues, and in general was having a rough time of it. So I contacted another person on Twitter who knew him (though not in person) and we made every effort to get hold of someone who could help him. We went so far as to contact the cops in his town (and let me tell you what a challenge it was to finally figure out what town he was in!). We finally were able to confirm that a family member was there and helping him.

Having said that, whenever I see a situation like SW's on Twitter (and it seems to happen about once a month in my corner of the Twitterverse), I think carefully about how to proceed. If I don't know the person from Adam, there's probably not a whole lot I can do. But if it's someone I've gotten to know, I will try to to help. I'm sorry you had this happen to you, and I hope that if you're ever in a situation like this again, it won't keep you from trying to help. I'm not sure I agree with "be harmless, not helpful". I know I, for one, am pretty grateful for people who try to help.

[foolery]

Don't take the wrong lesson away from this, Audrey -- Bob is right on several counts, as are many of the commenters here. The first lesson I would take away is not to use any company name lightly; you meant no harm and it was an accident, but that became the real trouble for you. Don't think that doing the right thing was the problem because it wasn't. The woman in question sounds like she feels cornered, and cornered people are dangerous. I hope she gets help.

[Fadra]

I've gotten in trouble numerous times for helping. And in retrospect, you may realize some of the things you have done (meaning you, in general, not you specifically) weren't the wisest choices but at the time, you were working towards a goal that was more important than anything.

I've often done something as simple as let someone out in traffic and they don't even give me a wave. I just want a wave. Just a simple thank you. It's not why I do it but it makes me feel better. I might seethe for a minute and then move on. I'll still let someone else in. As long as you aren't driving like an ass :)

It was an emotional evening and I tend to shy away from drama. But I stayed up well past my bedtime because like you, I wanted to reach out and help in whatever way I knew how. If I had your resources, I might have done the same thing. Don't beat yourself up because at the end of your life, you'll remember who you helped, not which companies you pissed off.

[feefifoto]

Unfortunately, such unexpectedly negative responses horrify and dismay many Good Samaritans. You did the right thing.