Profanity

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Earlier this evening I posed the following question/thought to my Facebook wall: 

Let's talk about profanity. 

Does the use of profanity keep you from reading a blog you'd otherwise enjoy? Does it keep you from interacting with certain friends out here? Do you tend to think that people who use profanities are crass, classless, and tacky?

Do you think there is any place at all for it when expressing yourself while writing, or do you think it's a sign of a lack of intellectual prowess . . . that you have to use base, crude words, rather than find another word that would get your point across?

I was just unfriended by a long-time, very close friend because of my use of profanity. No heads up, no parting/warning shot. I was unfriended and blocked. It upset me a great deal, but I would be dishonest if I said that it hadn't made me stop and think about it.

I know that lately I've been using profanities more frequently on the blog, and I'm not exactly sure why. I do tend to swear more when I am deeply depressed, and while I think it's because I don't stop to think about the words, I just pour them out from the sometimes dark places within me. I usually don't give it a second thought until I am feeling better and then re-read the posts. I do kinda wince when I read some of that stuff.

So, what say you on the topic of profanity?

**********

I hadn't realized how late I posted this, so I'm not entirely sure what kind of feedback I'll get via Facebook tonight, so I thought, being that I'm now painfully aware that my language has gotten me unfriended by someone who I considered a close friend, I sort of feel like a dog with a bone in that I can't let this go.   

My husband is occasionally annoyed by what comes out of my mouth if I get angry.  Take last night for example.  Gaby was already in bed and sound asleep, so she wasn't within ear shot and thankfully didn't witness me act like I had a huge piece of dialogue in a Quentin Tarantino film.   I was putting some fruit and vegetables away in the crisper drawer of the fridge (we have an older model with the fridge on the bottom, freezer on top) and I stood up but didn't back up, and ended up hitting my head really hard on the freezer door handle.  Tears immediately stung my eyes and I let an entire string of F-Bombs fly before grabbing a package of frozen corn and then flopping on the bed to bemoan my pitiful state.   It did actually hurt like a . . . well OK I won't use the term I was going to use, but you can imagine how bad it hurt.  I didn't exactly "bemoan" anything either, I flat out laid down and cried.    

I now have a little lump on my head which I noticed while combing my hair this morning.  It hurt so bad that there just wasn't a word bad enough to use to convey to absolutely no one here, outside of the cats,  exactly how much it hurt.      

A few friends have reminded me that I'm on huge doses of Prednisone and that can make a girl cranky too.  That's all true, but I don't think it's excuse enough.  Although, I am pretty  . . .  well, let's just put it this way, I'm getting extremely tired of the Prednisone at this point.  I understand it's keeping whatever is going on with my malfunctioning immune system from making my joints swell so bad that I can't move, but it also leaves me with no immune system in that it makes me susceptible to any little bug that comes along.   This all makes me grumpier than that grumpy cat, Tard.    Plus I'm currently rocking a lymph node the size of a plum, a sore throat, and an ear ache.  Maybe because I feel like crap, I'm taking everything extra personally.  

Still though, if profanity bothers you, why exactly?  Is it a religious thing, or that you were raised better than to use words that are crude, rough, and usually reserved for truckers and sailors?  Or do you think it's  a sure sign of a lack of intelligence? 

**********

We were at an open house for a Newfoundland dog rescue, over the weekend and someone who reads my blog came up to me and introduced herself . . . Hi Annette.    Anyhow, long story short, I'm sitting here worrying about my previous posts and what sort of impression I left this person with,  while using some pretty explicit language?     It's all well and good to say, "Audrey, it's really none of your business what others think of you" but we all know that telling me that is like trying to train a dog to use the toilet.  It's nearly impossible.    Now, especially now, when a very good friend, someone I looked up to and respected, took such a drastic step to send a major message my way, I feel like I've really let this person down.   This is someone older, who has reached out to me, to let me know that I am worthwhile, and to just hang on, because it gets better.   It's someone who has been reading me for close to 4 years, who sort of looks after me like a grandparent would look after a wayward grandchild. 

I've been told pretty much all my life that I'm a huge disappointment, and right now, I'm feeling that pretty keenly.    

Having said all of that, I do acknowledge that my language gets rough, especially if I'm depressed.  I mentioned this fact on Facebook and I'm mentioning it again.  Also, as an artist - a professional writer and photographer, I do believe that I'm allowed some latitude when expressing myself.  I think that's referred to as artistic license.   Sometimes I am feeling exactly that base and crude and maybe it is a sign of lack of intellectual capacity on my part, that I can't stretch my mind far enough and grasp another word in order to express the depths of how low I'm feeling.   Granted, I'm doing much better lately and am once again seeing a considerable greater amount of bright light at the end of the tunnel , I know I'll still have bad days; days where I really miss Joshua, days when my weight and self esteem pull me back down into the pit,  days when I feel like I can't do anything right, and when the weight of the guilt I carry for past transgressions seems to substantial to bear any longer. 

I read a lot of books, blogs, and other publications.  It never really phases me much when I see profanity.     While I'd be shocked to see Ree Drummond bust out an F-Bomb, I'm pretty non-plussed when Jennifer Lawson, or any of the other talented, artistic women (and men, Avitable, I'm lookin' at you babe!),  use more colorful language.   I also listen to a lot of music that I think would probably make a lot my friends cringe in horror or at the very least, make the sign of the cross in my direction.  Would I let Gaby listen to any of it?  Not on your life.    Was I a bit upset that the DJ at the mini-gala that her school threw last weekend played the radio edit of the song, "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore?  You'd better believe it.  I don't care if it's been edited, you can still completely make out what he's saying.    Why did I think it was inappropriate?  Because, for one, these are Kindergartner-through-Fifth Grade students at a private Catholic school.   For another, like I pointed out before, you can completely, and with ease, make out what he's saying.   As someone who spent more than a decade on the air at commercial radio stations across the US, I'm well aware of the rules when it comes to playing tracks with profanities.  The station either edits the track, or they receive the radio edit single and play that.  At other times they get away with throwing a track on the air that has an expletive or two and that's covered by the use of "artistic license" because it's germane to the song itself.  I get it.    There's nothing artistic about "Thrift Shop."    I would be absolutely apoplectic if Gaby came home and was heard singing the song, in it's entirety.    So is this my own personal double standard?  Am I asking you to cut me some occasional slack because I break out the occasional light expletive, and even more occasional industrial strength profanity?    To be honest, I don't know. 

To be sure, this is something I'm going to give a lot more consideration, although I can't promise that from here on out that there won't be the occasional expletive, however, I do genuinely want to take my readers into consideration, and I'd honestly love your thoughts and opinions on the topic.  

Comments

[Rosie]

Life is not viewed through rose coloured glasses if it were I'd be reading Barbara Cartland novels, it's not so I read you warts 'n all. All very odd behaviour on your "friends" part are you sure that is the reason if no parting shot/warning ....... would appear if they stuck with you four years theyed hardly find much shocking now ..... very much been there seen that heard that typed that before you have not suddenly degenerated into some bar room hussy lol Stick with the real you and let others deal with THEIR problems xx

[Cyndi]

Audrey, did the person who unfriended and blocked you tell you this was why she did? I have to tell you that I don't tend to think of you as foul mouthed or foul penned, for that matter. Yeah, I can tell if you're down, and if something is really tearing you up, but I don't think of you as one of the bigger abusers of profanity. Maybe that just means I know too many people who are! I'd say that if you feel you are or might be, then you make the extra effort to edit your language WHEN you're in an emotional place to do so. If you're depressed, I don't think you tackle issues like that because it would feel like you were nit-picking yourself. But self awareness can be a good thing. Maybe Gaby could be enlisted to remind you. On the other hand, you might want to tell her NOT to correct you if your face is beet red, you've smashed your finger in the car door or dropped a 28 ounce can of tomato sauce on your toe!

[Sherry Conrad]

I clicked through from Facebook when I saw your title- I tell you this not to brag, I am very very low key about it because I personally don't feel it means anything, but the argument that only base, crude, unintelligent people spew profanities really sticks in my craw. I was invited to join Mensa, so lack of intelligence is not the reason I curse, nor is the inability to find alternative words. Profanities are words, like any other and if they express how I feel at any given moment, why shouldn't I use them?

If others choose not to use certain words, that's fine- for them. To block you after an extended period of time and then using that as their excuse makes me feel that something else may be going on, it's not like this is the first time you used language that is not appropriate in a grade school. The fact that this unfriending/block happened without any warning or dialogue after years of being okay with it just shows their immaturity and lack of consideration and common courtesy.

We live in a rich and diverse culture, and profanity is a part of the whole human experience. If it bothers you, personally, then yes, do something about it. I'm so sorry you feel like you are always letting people down, but I can say for sure after 50 years on this planet, it really isn't you, they see you through their own filters. I believe this quote sums it up pretty well: The surest route to failure is trying to please everyone. As someone once told me- you are the person you have to live with 24/7 every single day of your life, so you are the one you need to make sure is happy with your choices and decisions, not anyone else.

(((HUGS))) You are fine exactly how you are, and if you choose to reinvent yourself now and then, or stay exactly like you are, you are a valuable, worthy member of humanity no matter what comes out of your mouth or from your keyboard.

[Melissa]

Instead of F bombs in Thriftshop Dane uses to word "looking" it cracks me up. Even though I swaer like a drunkin sailor he's not. I love your Blog. Stay real.

[[email protected]]

Trust your instincts!!!!
AND, do you really want to know what we think about cursing, or do you want to know if we think YOU curse excessivly? If one can control cursing at certain times, why not all the time? AND HAY, if you husband even gets taken aback, How do you feel about that? NOT sure I agree that Profanity is in my opinon not just another word, or we wouldn't be having this "discussion" WE all make allowances for our bad behavior from time to time or is that excuses? SORRY, i will still have to come back and read your blog again, (if its ok) , Im at the office and FB and Blogs are a no no, and maybe i need to shut up anyway, but its THURSDAY and my weekend starts soon and MAYBE my pills have kicked in. HANG in there! YOU GOT FAMILY!!!!! Blessings from Mississippi, DON"T count us out of the game,,,, SORRY for the typos and mispells, hurrying out now.

[Tracey]

I've been reading your blog for years but I don't comment often.
I just want to say that your words are your words. You should say what you feel, profanity and all.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and "assume" that your readers are adults and can make the choice to read your words or not. I for one will continue to choose to read.
I am sorry that you had a friend who couldn't be bothered to say why she needed to unfriend and block you. The path to growth in any relationship is communication. Your "friend" failed.
Keep writing, and use ALL your words.