Weight and See - It's Been a While

It's been more than a while, it's been close to eight months since I last updated.    So much has happened and so much hasn't happened that it's hard to know  how to update anything. 

Back when I last updated my weight, I was still dealing with a semi-serious knee injury and I was having a snit over cancelling my trip to Idaho in order to go to what was basically, fat camp. 

I was told way back then that my knee would take time to heal and that I might have to have surgery.    Well my knee has in fact gotten a lot better.   12 weeks of physical therapy turned into 6 months.   My hamstring tendonitis is virtually gone and the meniscal tear is almost healed. However they eventually came to the conclusion that I have something called Plica Syndrome which is exacerbated by my weight.  I still might have to have surgery but the huge caveat to any surgery is that my doctors want me to lose 100lbs before they do anything remotely related to surgery.    Combine that with the fact that my immune system basically took a nosedive and it appears to be attacking all of my joints and causing massive inflammation (they have no idea what's causing it.  My rheumatologist is nice, but at this point, clueless) and I've finally moved from simply knowing I need to lose the weight, to actually wanting to.    

Fat people know they're fat . . . well most of the time anyhow.   They know the smart thing, the healthy thing to do, is to make the necessary lifestyle changes.   I think where we all screw ourselves is by trying to bargain ourselves into allowing more time to be obese and unhealthy - telling ourselves little lies that I call the 'Chris Christie Syndrome',  "Oh I'm not sick yet.  I can take my time losing weight.  I'm lucky and still healthy!"    

Just because we aren't shooting up insulin, or popping blood pressure pills, we automatically think that our fat isn't affecting us yet.  Well, pardon my profanity, but frankly that's bullshit.    There is no such thing as a healthy obese person.    I know, you're going to tell me how you are 5'5" and weigh 250lbs and can run a 5K, hike Mt. Rainier, swim 20 laps at your local Y, and that your cholesterol level is a sane and reasonable 80.    Give it time sunshine.   Just like a pack of cigarettes every day catches up, and you start coughing up pieces of your lungs, eventually you'll notice your joints are deteriorating, your heart is about to beat out of your chest after you've climbed 6 stairs, of you go into a diabetic coma after pounding your second Coke of the day.   But hey, don't take my word for it.  It's not like I'm currently living this nightmare or anything. 

Well here I am, I know I need to lose the weight and I finally, genuinely want to, but every single time I move, it hurts.   Well hell yes it hurts.  Moving around 350lbs of mostly fat with very little supporting muscle underneath it, hurts like a mofo.   So I'm back to taking baby steps.   

My doctors want me to go on MediFast but our insurance policy has an exclusion that doesn't allow coverage for any and all obesity treatment, and MediFast needs to be meidically supervised and it's pretty expensive to boot . . . about $500 a month for the shakes and meal supplements.   Plus the other huge kink in my hose is the fact that I'm on massive dosages of Prednisone to control the inflammation, for the foreseeable future.    While it's helping keep whatever is wrong with me, at bay, it also causes massive weight gain.  In my case, while I'm almost 20lbs less than I was when I last posted my weight in August, it's been hellish trying to keep from ballooning to massive proportions again.   Hence the reason my doctors feel like MediFast is my best bet.   So I'm paying out-of-pocket to meet with a bariatric doctor I've seen before and with the help of his staff, is going to custom design a semi-liquid meal replacement system that is both cost-effective and healthy, that will also allow me to transition back into eating healthy meals, after I've lost 100lbs, and without re-gaining the weight that I've just lost.    Who knows, maybe I won't have to have any further treatment for the Plica Syndrome and taking the first 100lbs off will be enough to keep further injury at a standstill.  

Current Weight:  352lbs

Yes, I'm pretty disappointed.  I do feel kind of stuck, but everyone in charge of making sure I can help myself get healthy, tells me it isn't forever, because I have control over whether it's forever or not.  I'm promised it always won't hurt this bad to move.   It will get easier.     

Every day I take another step further than I did the day before.  I mean that literally.   Last week I started just by walking in my driveway.   I'm still not supposed to do stairs because it's too jarring on my knee, but simple walking is fine.  I'm also supposed to be in the pool 3-5 times per week.  I came down with a bad case of the "I look heinous in this swimsuit so I'm not getting in the pool", so I haven't been getting in the damn pool!  The idea is to walk and then spend an hour in the pool letting my joints rest, then 15 minutes in the whirlpool.    While I haven't gotten into the pool I am able to walk halfway around my block.  I start to get really sore if I push it much further than that.    

Yes, I have deteriorated a great deal in the last eight months.    I'm trying not to beat myself up.  It doesn't do me any good to do that, plus I just end up feeling like the asshole that I'm acting like.   I got myself into this mess and having a continual pity party, or acting like it's anyone else but my own fault just isn't cutting it any more.    So, while I feel like I've physically and mentally atrophied over the last 8 months, it's not something that is preventing me from taking small steps, which will hopefully lead to larger and longer steps, and moving forward.   

In other words, there are no excuses.  None.   

I'm dealing with all of the "emotional fat".   I don't have anyone or anything to blame any more.  

I am still going to chronicle this.  I just am not sure in what form that chronicling is going to take.  I'll always be honest about my weight and my struggles (I'll write more about some of the various "lifestyle" changes I have tried to adopt - such as the "Paleo thing", in the next week or so) but I don't know if I want to photo and document every meal, or just some meals, or no meals at all, and just post about my weight, and maybe toss up a vlog or two a week.    At this point, I know that I will be using a meal replacement called "Unjury" (I have used this before, post-gastric bypass several years ago.  I like it and know it works) for two meals a day and have a normal, healthy meal in the early evening.    At this point, that's all I know for sure. 

Do you guys like the whole photo-documentary style blogging like I used to do?   Is it of any value to you?   I can't see how photographing two shakes and one meal a day is going to be very interesting, but then what do I know.   Oh, I do know that I can add frozen fruit and plain, non-fat greek yogurt to one shake per day.  So there's that I guess. 

As far as Idaho goes?  I don't know about that either.   I'm pretty sure, at this point, I'm not going to be cleared for something as intense as what Bobbie originally had planned for me.   Maybe 100lbs from now?  Who knows.   I just want to get the weight off, then I can figure out the rest. 

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I want to give you a little fair warning.  I have a couple of draft posts I haven't hit "publish" on, related to weight and being obese, and the general state of the obese in this country, because I was afraid of offending people and all the many ways we delude ourselves into thinking we really aren't that fat.   In particular, I want to talk about this "Healthy at ANY Size" movement and how harmful I think it is, in particular to our children - children who are experiencing unprecedented obesity rates in America, rates so high that it's literally an epidemic.   There's a discussion that isn't happening that desperately needs to happen!  

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Before starting any life-changing exercise or eating habits, please consult with your personal physician or other trusted medical professional.

Comments

[Sarah Siskin]

You go, girl! I love reading your blog, it's filled with self-deprecating humor, a style I really enjoy. It's a Smart People blog.
Today's news on my Governor Chris Christie: he's admitted to having lap band surgery on February 16. This to me means only one thing: he is aiming for the Wendy White House in 2016. I'm a Dem but he's done a good job here in NJ so perhaps I'll vote for him.
Probably not tho.
I know you can get this weight off of you, and that your blog will flourish monetarily at the same time. The two are connected I believe, so get journaling!
Love you always,
Sarah

[Tina]

You seem very committed to losing weight and I know you'll do it! I'm in the same boat as you. I desperately need to lose at least 200 pounds. My doctor tells me to walk, but I have severe plantar fasciitis as well as back problems, and it hurts to walk. I also would NEVER wear a swimming suit in public. Just can't do it. I wish you the best of luck with your weight loss, and please do keep us updated on your progress.

[Cathy]

You are doing it. Every day I read about you doing, going, being...LIVING, and with each outing, writing, mile traveled, or photo you are taking steps to be healthy. I see your progress. I hear it in your words, and view it through your pictures. I'm with you every step of the way!!!

I do prefer reading journal entries, but it's your blog!

[ann blystone]

Food for thought from three must read books (first three links)and a few other things:

http://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Get-Fat-About/dp/0307474259 (much more readable from a layman's POV than his first book)

http://www.wheatbellyblog.com/ (written by a cardiologist, poo-pooed at first and consistently gaining positive momentum with other doctors.)(Lots of inspirational success stories here.)

https://www.facebook.com/PracticalPaleo

http://balancedbites.com/about-diane-sanfilippo

https://www.facebook.com/JustEatingRealFood?hc_location=stream

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/17/magazine/mag-17Sugar-t.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/the-primal-blueprint-30-day-challenge-page/#axzz2Sj70ocmH

Ask Lauren what this way of living has done for her and her brother - and was recommended by her brother's doctor! Or talk to Marlene Charbonneau who has been paleo/primal for only 3 weeks about the vast changes she's seen in herself. I'm not as dedicated to this as I want to be - I really slipped off-course over the last several weeks (why I let my bad girl talk my good girl into this is more than I can figure out). Since Monday, I'm back on the paleo/primal/wheatbelly/gary taubes wagon and already feel better - scale is kinder as well. (None of the above are Atkins.)
Good perseverance to you!

[Audrey]

Ann,

I have all of the books you've linked to, with Wheat Belly being the absolute least favorite of mine because it's been PROVEN that Dr. Davis intentionally lied about the stats he was using to try and show correlations that didn't exist. He manipulated the data to try and make his point. It doesn't mean that some of this other points in the book aren't valid, or don't have merit, it just means that the man is basically dishonest.

http://noglutennoproblem.blogspot.com/2012/03/wheat-belly-busted.html

As far as Paleo as a whole? My problem (outside of the fact that my lower intestines can not process a lot of meat) is that the entire "Paleo" label is far too broad. Are we talking about north American paleo, European paleo, south pacific, asian...etc? They all had different diets based on what was available, and the environmental factors were as different from area to area as they are now. Also, regardless of where you get your food, it's nearly impossible to replicate any of the foods they ate simply because of today's environmental factors vs. factors back then. It doesn't matter if your food comes from the most organic and natural of farms, the same with the meat source. the soil conditions and rain water are two of the hugest factors between now and then. Also, the diet of the animals that were primary sources of protein thousands of years ago was impacted by environmental conditions as well - which, thanks to global warming, are not the same as they were thousands of years ago.

The fact of the matter is, while people see vast changes in themselves and their lives, I think it's a huge misnomer to call this a paleo diet. I think it was an effective marketing tool that made Atkins, the original low-carb diet, look like it was actually loaded with carbs. If it works for you, fine, but I think people are deluding themselves by actually thinking this way of eating is close to what our ancient paleolithic ancestors ate.

I mainly tried it because of everything going on with my immune system, in hopes that it would offer me some relief. Whether it's because of the massive doses of Prednisone I'm on, or the fact that my lower digestive system can't process lots of even lean protein, it made me pretty sick. My bariatric doctors agree that this is something that would most likely cause more problems for me in the long run, than help prevent.

That said, I think sugar is a huge factor in why we are getting sicker and factor, as is the predominance of highly processed foods. Cutting out "whites" of my diet is what seems to help me the most, but I have to be careful to balance it with minimal animal based proteins and add lots of fruit and veggies, something which I admittedly am very poor at doing. Most of the time I usually just forget to eat. Combine that with what the Prednisone does to me and my weight is at a standstill. 20lbs net loss in 8 months is piss poor.

I've seen the changes in both Marlene and Lauren, and I'm thrilled that this is working for both of them and that they both understand it's not a diet, but a lifestyle. Again, I think if you genuinely feel great and the changes in your body are positive, then go for it! Anything that helps you lead a healthy, happy, productive life, is a good thing.

Another huge issue with Paleo is that it is the LEAST sustainable by the majority of the population that is barely able to afford SOME whole foods in their diet. Far too many people in America ( let alone other areas of the world) live in veritable food deserts where access to clean produce and meat is just not possible.

Unfortunately more and more physicians, physicians who have nothing to gain by lose or gain by stating this, are calling this just another fad diet.

http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/09/09/is-the-paleo-diet-healthy/

As for me? I'm going to move forward with my doctor's suggestions and see what happens.

[annbb]

So incredibly sad that the most affordable way to eat is a box of macaroni & cheese or a can of beefaroni. Cheap and fills you up and is totally not good for you.

What did you think of Gary Taubes' book and sugar article?

Clean eating is still the best way to eat, call it whatever you want. Grass-fed, organic, as close to the source as you can, grow your food, don't shop in the middle aisles of the grocery store, etc. That's the way to go.

I hope, when you finally can get off the meds, you can enjoy a whole foods veggie and meat-filled diet!

[Audrey]

Ann,

I know that a lot of people complain that Gary Taubes book and his article on sugar are far too clinical and hard to digest. I find just the opposite - especially his inclusion of several international studies and cases through the last 50+ years. I have two copies of Taubes' book, one of which I lend out regularly.

As far as the sugar article, I'm assuming you mean the one in the NY Times? While I think using the words "toxic" or "poison" to describe it is pretty loaded - it makes for sensationalistic reading, I think it has merit. We've taken sugar and perverted it every way possible, and dumped it into everything possible - so it's no wonder that we're discovering all sorts of related diseases and conditions where there is a direct correlation to it's overuse.

I think it's a discussion that needs to happen, but the scientists who have looked into Lustig's claims about sugar being as bad as crack, have a point - there's insufficient evidence to make a complete conviction. And when we have big dairy lobbying the FDA to add aspertame to our milk supply (to make is sweeter so kids will drink it, WTF?), we are seemingly a long long way from having this discussion. It's pretty provocative to slap the skull and crossbones on a bag of C&H sugar and call it poison, but that doesn't address what the real problem is - it is NOT the singular use of sugar but rather the OVERUSE of sugar that is the problem.

Hell, the scientist in, I believe it was Switzerland, I think his name was Tappy, but I could be wrong (especially if it's NOT the NYT article) fed his test subjects the equivalent of something like 10 cans of pop a day. That's extreme by anyone's standards! So it's no wonder that the subjects showed a significant spike in triglycerides and their livers were fatty and they developed insulin resistance.

While I'm not defending sugar, at the end of the day, all the evidence is still inconclusive. Lots of sugar is bad. We all know that, or we should know that. Americans, and most of the world, consume too much sugar. But it's cheap. It's plentiful. However damning it as a whole and trying to slap something like a controlled substance label on it, isn't the answer. Maybe putting warning labels on things like pop and other sugary substances - the same kind of labels we see on cigarettes, isn't an entirely bad idea. And again, the impoverished in our nation are going to grab a .99 load of white bread at the store, that's often loaded with HFCS (sugar. It's all just sugar), before they grab a loaf of whole grain bread that is all natural, (even if it's not organic) and contains no HFCS or other sweetners, that costs $3.99. These same people don't understand (lack of education I suppose - or lack of being able to get the kind of food education) that even on limited means, they could be eating different kinds of beans, quinoa, and other inexpensive beans, legumes, and less expensive although still healthy, veggies and fruits. It's not ideal by anyone's standards, but it's better than a diet consisting primarily of highly refined and processed starches and sugars.

The point I was making about the people who can't afford to eat exclusively clean and organic, grass fed, free range, those who live in "food deserts" etc - was that until we address it as a country, unfortunately for them, processed, refined starches, sugars and grains are going to be more affordable. For our family, this is not an issue. Despite not being able to consume a lot of animal protein in my own diet, we eat as clean and as organic as we can, whole foods make up the majority of our diet. For me though, there are simply an awful lot of starchy veggies that are included as those are what happen to be most easily digestible. Throw in Gaby's refusal to eat almost any meat at all and it just makes things even more interesting. I'm not sure if that's just a phase or what - but if it is, it's been going on for almost six years. With her increasing awareness of where meat comes from - regardless of how humanely it's raised, she questions eating it at all.

Going off the Prednisone won't change the fact the my lower intestines can't handle a largely meat-filled diet. Unfortunately, years of laxative abuse, necrotic tissue removal, gastric bypass surgery and then another surgery to reverse the bypass and remove even more damaged tissue from my lower intestines precludes me from enjoying a diet primarily consisting of meat. That doesn't mean I'm headed in the reverse direction either - doing something like Dr. McDougal's diet - which is almost all starches and veggies and fruit. I think extremes in either direction can be potentially dangerous. My sugar consumption is probably 1/6th of what it used to be, and being that we consume as little processed and refined food as possible, I don't think I'm doing as bad as I was, or could be.

[annbb]

Come to think of it, it's not a paleo diet that's the way to eat. It's a natural way to eat that we all need to be striving toward. If you look at our teeth, we certainly weren't made to be vegetarians/vegans. We are omnivores - made to consume animal protein and vegetables. I certainly understand Gaby's revulsion of meat as I really have to separate myself from the animal I'm consuming. I'm sure if I absolutely had to I could ~kill~ my food source, but I'd never choose to as cows have really cute faces. I think as a society we've gotten away from knowing where our food actually comes from. And it shouldn't be from a factory, though, for most of us, it is. The greatest gift we can give our kids is to teach them that there really is a circle of life and that all the animals/plants/humans have a part and a role in it.
As far as sugar goes? It's a drug. Period. Sugar has done more harm than just about any other dietary component.
Well, then there's wheat....

[annbb]

(Forgot to add - consuming nature's candy - fruit. That should be part of our diet in small quantities.) OOPS!